It has been many years, at least 30, since I received the call that would change my thinking about who I am forever. My father revealed to each of his children a secret that he had held for most of his life. He had been born out of wedlock and did not know actually, who his father was. It had not been revealed to him until her was an adult but shame kept him from trying to find an answer. He also asked each of us to keep this a secret, never mentioning it again as long as he was alive. It was a sad moment in my life on many different levels.
It also explained many things, I had wondered about over the years. His different look from his siblings, that he had been born in a different state and mostly why this kind, gentle man was so different from the cross, distant man I thought was my grandfather. My father was born in 1905 and at that time feelings were rarely shared and secrets were kept close, thus the situation we now faced.
My wonderful father lived another 15 years and we kept our promise. Upon his death at 92 my brothers launched a deep search to find the truth of our heritage. For many years they tried everything that they could possibly think of, but to no avail. It was too late. Too many years had passed and every clue came to a dead end. We all wanted to know who we were!
I struggled mightily for quite a while. My paternal family was not mine, all those aunts, uncles and cousins a lie! I felt like an outsider! A ship lost a sea! I finally came to my senses, realizing that of course they were still family. I was loved, nothing had changed accept my blood line. But "who am I" has stayed within my heart. I mourn the loss of a family "out there somewhere." A connection I will never know.
With the changing times it has become quite possible and popular to at least know your DNA! With every commercial I wonder, "would it help if I did this?" More than likely not, for the hints that we were able to obtain pertaining to my grandfather, is than he was probably Danish, just as my grandma. But I would love confirmation, so I put on my Christmas wish list; A DNA test, I want to know who I am!
A while back during a sermon, Pastor Chris spoke a truth that struck home! My heart opened and I was reminded that it matters not who I am, only whose I am! I am a child of a loving God and I am a princess. My precious Jesus loves me and you with a love worth hanging on a cross to save our souls. My family is huge and very diverse! All people everywhere who believe in my Lord and Savior share a blood line with me! What better heritage is there than that!
~ Bonnie Wagner