Have you ever been there? Almost figuring things out, almost getting caught up, believing you have fallen into a 'routine,' thinking you are aware of what is going. Only to find in the next conversation, moment, event, happenstance - such proclamations of self-awareness seemed further from the truth than the opposite would be. A stack of papers drops upon our newly cleaned and organized desks. The week of intense preparation and intentional discipline with our kids falls apart amidst the illness or schedule demands of the next day. A friend you count on throughout the week calls to share the previously undiscussed move to another town.
How is it we seem to arrive at these self-induced delusions of control on such a regular occurrence? The rush of life seems to happen when we least expect it (well, when we expect it as well). Our guard falls due to some innocuous cause such as success or comfort or the way things are. Then the inevitable happens and we are shocked by what has happened many times before. I believe scripture says there is nothing new under the sun in regards to these regular discoveries. Should we then give up fighting for such things? To borrow the words of Paul, 'by no means!'
July has been such a month for myself. The promise of summer and more time with the kids lulled me into thinking we had plenty of time to accomplish the dreams we had for the break. We went places and relaxed and had our crazy moments, but it felt as though things were proceeding well. Then the last week of June came and the realization of the 4th being the next week, camps were no longer far out moments to plan for, commitments and family and church filled the remainder of the calendar, God would not cooperate with the weather, vehicle issues came up...aaahhhhh! There remains no more room to sit in the delusion I can do things later. Some dreams can no longer happen. For others, now is the time or it will not happen. Panic and anxiety can start to creep in as I try to hold onto every hope and plan I crafted for my enjoyment and...
And then it happens, sometimes it is after the chest tightens, sometimes before - God breaks through. He reminds me of how 'my' plans are insignificant(and sometimes contrary) compared to His. An unsent email in the back of my mind is sent away by a collective VBS chorus of 'Wow, God!' And I see again the wonders of a child learning and experiencing joy in praising Him. A tight schedule with not enough time to prepare a decent dinner is blessed away by a meal from InTouch. And I feel the love of a committed group of Christ followers sharing God's love one meal at a time. Frustration building within over the conduct of my kids is dissipated by a divine 2x4 across the head as I am suddenly reminded of the great privilege to share life with such children of God.
I wish I could say the Rush of life no longer effects me. I can say the grace of our wonderful God covers my shortcomings. I am trying to better live into the everyday Rush by planning for a 'ministry of interruptions' and having eyes to see how this matter or person or email could be exactly who or what or where God wanted me to give my attention to all along. The Rush will always be there, but maybe by leaning into a God who always breaks through rather than my own understanding, it will offer a great adventure in this moment. Or as Jesus said in Matthew 6:34 , 'do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'